Life isn't fair

Growing up I often heard the phrase, "Life isn't fair".  It seemed to be the end all and be all to life's little disappointments. As I got older I stopped saying, "It's not fair", I wouldn't even let myself think it, because somehow being unhappy about the lot I was dealt seemed like a selfish kind of disappointment.

There is someone who always has it worse that you after all.

But the truth is, just because someone has it worse than you doesn't mean you shouldn't feel bad about your own disappointments. They are your feelings and they matter, whether anyone agrees with you or not.

A little over a week ago someone in authority, but someone who knows very little about me and my life, said something to me that I've wanted to hear for twenty years. Not just wanted to hear, but needed to hear. I didn't know how badly I needed to hear it until he said, "I hope you know how deeply unfair that was".

The words threw me for a second. My mind actually stalled and all I could do was stare at this man as a wall crumbled around my heart. It sounds so small, and I doubt he even noticed my reaction, but I feel so much lighter now.

I have the right to feel like I've been treated unfairly. I matter. My feelings matter. I have the right to be upset about it. It doesn't matter that if I could do it all again I'd do it all the same. All that matters is that my feelings about it matter.

If I could bottle this feeling up so that I could remember it for every other disappointment in life I would.

Have you ever felt...

Have you ever had a feeling that something amazing is about to happen to you but you don't know what it is? That's how I've been feeling for the last week or so. I like feeling this way. It reminds me of the week before I left for study abroad in London. A little nervous, a little bit anxious and a lot excited for an adventure.

I crave adventure, but I always seem to be stuck in the mundane. I know, I know, if you want it so bad you have to make it happen. I'm not going to say "it isn't that easy", because I know better. It is that easy. Telling yourself that something is too hard or will take too much time and effort to get there is just another way of telling yourself you don't deserve it. I deserve adventure. I deserve whatever worthy thing I want. I think adventure it a totally worthy thing. So, what next.

Good question.

The answer could be as easy as just asking for what I want. It's funny how that works but it totally does. It's like stopping for directions.  The people you pass on the street have no idea you're lost until you pull over and ask for help. It's more rare to be sent on a wild goose chase than it is to get the right directions back to the freeway.

Tomorrow morning, right after I get my oil changed, I'm going to ask for directions. I have no idea who I will be asking, but that's not important. At least not right now.