Life isn't fair

Growing up I often heard the phrase, "Life isn't fair".  It seemed to be the end all and be all to life's little disappointments. As I got older I stopped saying, "It's not fair", I wouldn't even let myself think it, because somehow being unhappy about the lot I was dealt seemed like a selfish kind of disappointment.

There is someone who always has it worse that you after all.

But the truth is, just because someone has it worse than you doesn't mean you shouldn't feel bad about your own disappointments. They are your feelings and they matter, whether anyone agrees with you or not.

A little over a week ago someone in authority, but someone who knows very little about me and my life, said something to me that I've wanted to hear for twenty years. Not just wanted to hear, but needed to hear. I didn't know how badly I needed to hear it until he said, "I hope you know how deeply unfair that was".

The words threw me for a second. My mind actually stalled and all I could do was stare at this man as a wall crumbled around my heart. It sounds so small, and I doubt he even noticed my reaction, but I feel so much lighter now.

I have the right to feel like I've been treated unfairly. I matter. My feelings matter. I have the right to be upset about it. It doesn't matter that if I could do it all again I'd do it all the same. All that matters is that my feelings about it matter.

If I could bottle this feeling up so that I could remember it for every other disappointment in life I would.

Have you ever felt...

Have you ever had a feeling that something amazing is about to happen to you but you don't know what it is? That's how I've been feeling for the last week or so. I like feeling this way. It reminds me of the week before I left for study abroad in London. A little nervous, a little bit anxious and a lot excited for an adventure.

I crave adventure, but I always seem to be stuck in the mundane. I know, I know, if you want it so bad you have to make it happen. I'm not going to say "it isn't that easy", because I know better. It is that easy. Telling yourself that something is too hard or will take too much time and effort to get there is just another way of telling yourself you don't deserve it. I deserve adventure. I deserve whatever worthy thing I want. I think adventure it a totally worthy thing. So, what next.

Good question.

The answer could be as easy as just asking for what I want. It's funny how that works but it totally does. It's like stopping for directions.  The people you pass on the street have no idea you're lost until you pull over and ask for help. It's more rare to be sent on a wild goose chase than it is to get the right directions back to the freeway.

Tomorrow morning, right after I get my oil changed, I'm going to ask for directions. I have no idea who I will be asking, but that's not important. At least not right now.

Butt dialing at it's finest...and Christmas!

So, I got a "butt call" voice mail today. I deleted it and I could just kick myself! There was a long silence and then all the sudden I hear "No, no, don't lick it!" I think I laughed so hard I snorted! 

Onto other news. IT'S DECEMBER PEOPLE!!! I love Christmas, I mean...I. LOVE. CHRISTMAS! Seriously, when December is over it's time for Winter Depression to begin, and Winter Depression is a holiday I've never been able to get behind. People think Christmas starts to early and goes on way to long but compared the Winter Depression Christmas is just a weekend. The WD lasts months...especially here in the freezing Rockies. How to people further north even survive?! Remind me why I live here again? (That's rhetorical, just in case you didn't catch that) Southern California here I come! Woot!

 

November Stuff I Love

I love doing "Stuff I Love" posts, so I'm going to make it a thing! I'm just gonna post the things that I have been using a lot over the previous month, it could be anything, from food to movies to slippers.

So here goes November!

Pitch Perfect (or Rebel Wilson)

I don't actually own this movie, I've been borrowing it from my roommate for the last couple of weeks. I think I've watched it at least six times since then! Needless to say, this DVD is on my Christmas list, plus I'd really like the CD too. I think Rebel Wilson is awesome and I want to be her friend in real life.

Tuna fish

Tuna fish. Yep. I'm eating this like it's going out of style. (I never said the "Stuff I love" had to be super cool or anything).

Clinique

Clinique Repairwear Laser Focus

Clinique Superdefence SPF 25

Yep I love me some Clinique. I don't like to put strongly scented products on my skin, I'm just really picky that way. You may also notice that both of these products are for "aging skin". Ya, I turned forty this year and even though I look like I'm twenty-five (thank you to my parents for amazing genetics), I'm not taking any risks. No more messing around!

YouTube

I'm kind of a YouTube addict. I like watching beauty videos and daily vlogs. While I'm toiling away at my crappy job I like to watch other people have interesting lives. (Yes, I know how pathetic that sounds.) Fleur DeForce is my favorite (Again, if she wants another friend I am totally available), but I have a list of many more...here ya go.


Fleur DeForce: https://www.youtube.com/user/FleurDeForce?feature=g-subs-u

Shaytards: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJZ7f6NQzGKZnFXzFW9y9UQ

Mary Doodles: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV0Q5XoDann5uLJDkUjJ7Lw

The Piano Guys: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmKurapML4BF9Bjtj4RbvXw

MoTab: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiAkukrUIRCwaLaFx_MJq7Q

Just an amazing performance. You're welcome!

Homesick

I'm feeling a little homesick for London today. No, I'm not from London nor am I English, but I went on study abroad in London a couple of years ago and it was, without a doubt, the best experience of my life so far. Ever since then, every once in awhile I get a little twinge of homesickness for it. There's usually a trigger of some kind, the echoing sound of birds singing in an alley, an overcast rainy day, the clip clop of horses on payment...

Almost every morning soldiers in red uniforms would come down Kensington Road right in front of my flat riding horses, usually there would a few horses without riders, just saddles, being lead along with the group. I never knew where they were going but I figured the horses without riders were being conditioned to deal with traffic. The clip clop of their hooves was a nice way to wake up in the morning.

I'd sit at the window long after they were gone and watch people commuting to work, riding their bikes in their suits and ties, watching the fog lift off of Hyde Park. The saturated green of damp leaves and grass is still burned into my memory. Green, real true green, isn't something we see here in the desert of the Rocky Mountains.

The light was different there, it was softer, more filtered through the atmosphere, leaving a kind of soft haze around everything. Again, I think my noticing this has something to do with where I live, high in the mountains where the sun has a clear shot to the Earth. The light is brighter here, it's cuts though things. In London the light politely settles likes a heavy translucent cotton ball.

And then there was the smell. London had a distinct scent. I'm not talking about the smell of a large city, I'm talking about a scent that was uniquely London, kind of like people, we each have a particular scent that is just "us". London had a scent that I would wear like perfume if anyone could bottle it. It smelled like age to me, not rotting age or I've seen better days kind of age, it smelled like "I've been there, I've done that", it smelled like wisdom.

You're probably thinking I'm totally nuts right about now, but really, if a place has ever touched you; really burrowed its way into your heart, I think you'll understand where I'm coming from.

One day London, you and I will see each other again, and if I have it my way I won't be leaving.

If you're interested, here is my London Board on Pinterest http://www.pinterest.com/julia_allen3/london-england/

And here is the link to the blog I kept while I was in London http://londonsummer2011.blogspot.com/

Black Friday...my nemisis

I usually avoid Black Friday, it's not that I don't like shopping...shopping is my thang, but I don't like fighting crowds. It truly brings out the worst in me but this year I went with my sisters just because I wanted to spend time with them.

Yesterday I drove to my baby sisters house for Thanksgiving dinner expecting to find my mom and step-dad, my sister Emily and her kiddo's and my baby sister Laura her husband and kiddos and found an awesome surprise. My sister Sarah, her husband and kids had driven from Ohio to spend Thanksgiving with family! It was supposed to be a surprise but apparently I was the only one who they could keep it a secret from. I will admit, the moment I walked through the door and saw my sister I burst into tears. Yep, I'm kind of a sap that way. It was sooooo good to see her, the MOST AWESOME SURPRISE EVER!

So, of course after something that awesome I just wanted to spend more time with her and my other sister, so shopping among the hoards it was. And I must admit, it wasn't that bad. I think it was because Black Friday actually started on Thursday this year so there weren't hoards of people everywhere. Plus, I live in Utah where people are super nice, except for when they are driving, then they turn into maniacs.

I'm so thankful for my family. I have a feeling this is going to be a great Christmas.

I hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving filled with people that you love.

Hello stranger! Oh wait, that's me...

I produce an art history podcast called Arts & Facts at Utah Valley University where I go to school. Doesn't that sound important...produce a podcast...when I put it that way it sounds so professional and stuff. Really though it's a bunch of friends nerding out about art history. You may have had this experience in other parts of your life and can understand the sheer bliss of having a group of friends that love the same things you love to the same insane degree that you do. It's like heaven really.

But, with all the time, effort and passion that goes into producing Arts & Facts we don't get any kind of monetary reward for it. That's not a bad thing, but it's kinda rough for a broke college student to work a part-time gig they don't get paid for. So I thought, "I know how to do this podcasting thing, it's super fun, I'll just produce a podcast of my own". I've had a dozen or more ideas about what topic I could podcast about but they never really motivated me. It wasn't until I was falling asleep one night (I get all my good ideas about this time, especially when I'm exhausted and have to be up in six hours) that the idea of a health and fitness podcast came to me. A health and fitness podcast hosted by overweight people who needed to be educated, who are confused by the insane contradictions that abound in the health and fitness arena. 

Luckily a few of my friends thought it was a good idea too! So here we are starting a podcast called, The Big Fat Truth. Marie Teemant, Mike Hardy, Kelly Hardy and myself are wading into the deep end...and it's terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. 

In a couple weeks time we will be launching out Kickstarter to raise the money for the equipment we need to get things going and we're really excited to get things going. Any donation is great and we'll have some great gifts for all our supporters!